Tuesday, August 25, 2009

#640 Figure out why Clark Kent would love Lois Lane

Clark Kent: Mommy Issues

Lois Lane and Clark Kent have been comic book royalty for years and years. She's the nosy reporter with attitude. He's the shy, mild-mannered man with a secret identity. We all know the story. Clark pines for Lois, and Lois ignores him. Lois is, of course, in love with Superman. Forget how mentally disabled this woman must be for not seeing through Clark's devious disguise, a pair of glasses. We're not here to focus on Lois. We're focusing on Clark.

What exactly does he find attractive in this woman?

She's shallow.
She knows very little about Superman except that he can fly bullets fall off his chest yet she loves him. She rarely has conversations with him that last longer than a few minutes. Honestly, for all that she knows about him, he could be a creepy necrophiliac with a drug problem yet she still loves him.
She's stupid (which was mentioned above) because she also cannot piece together that whenever Superman is around Clark disappears and vice versa.
She's ruthless. Let's face it, Lois Lane would sleep with Lex Luthor and Satan if it meant that she'd get the headline.
She treats Clark like he's a child. She thinks he's a hayseed from Smallville. If you've watched any Superman movies, she just doesn't think that Clark understands the difference between the stick up her ass and a redwood tree (which coincidentally are about the same size).

This all leads back to why would Clark be in love with this entitled, self-centered ball-buster? The only thing that I can think of is that he has monumental mommy issues. First off, his real mother died when his home planet exploded. That alone is probably enough to screw him up. Let's add onto it that he was raised by people who knew he was an alien. I know that Martha Kent is portrayed as a caring mother to him, but let's face reality, (and I get the irony, being that these are fictional characters) she feared for her life on a daily basis. You try being the parent of a child with super-strength. Every time she tried to discipline him, he probably slapped her so hard it broke her jaw. If she changed his curfew, he probably slapped her so hard it broke her jaw. If he spilled milk on the living room rug, he probably slapped her so hard it broke her jaw. I think you're beginning to see the pattern. This means her only power over him would be withholding affection (you would too if you had your jaw broken as many times as she did). Her only way of dealing with her alien freak of a child was to never really love him.

So Clark grew up never knowing love until he met Lois Lane. She reminded him of his mother, and maybe if he can get her to love him, mommy will love him too. And that, my friends, is why Clark Kent is in love with Lois Lane. Thanks for your time.

No comments:

Post a Comment